I would love to make a new blog account, and get rid of everything correlating to things I'd rather forget about.
Everyone has the potential to be a douche. Some, on the other hand, take it to the extreme. "Forgive and forget"; I'm not forgetting, that's for sure. Need to grow out of this, this is my benefit. Forgiving, that's the part that I'm weary about. It'll happen sometime in the future - right now, I'm managing indifference.
From this experience, I pose the question: "Was this person always a douchebag, where I didn't see it or he/she was really good at hiding it, or did this degradation of integrity and character happen after our separation?" I'm not in the position to answer it, because frankly, it feels like shit. Either:
- I would be complimenting a person's worth in saying that everything was genuine, wherein such comments is undeserved by that person, or
- My head was in a paper bag for the entire relationship, and nothing was genuine, all was a forgery, or
- The person is an epic fail, wherein the separation is catalyzing his saved-up bullshit to seep through his pores.
The last bullet is mostly wishful thinking. Realistically, it's probably a combination of the three. I'm okay, still laughing and loving summer. Concentrating on summer courses and work. And gathering the funds to afford a new iPhone - current one fell into a pool a couple weeks ago. Can't see the fucking screen, which is quintessential for touchscreen interface technology. (Made that last bit up, I don't even know if this terminology exists or not... hahaa!)
EF is totally right - summer is the best time to be single! One can be blatant about their skin to clothing ratio to approach 1:0, but it's socially acceptable and the sun may just knock you out. And yum, boys with their abs and broad shoulders, holy shit. Just not the douchebags though - you know, the ones without shirts on, and/or walking like they're the shit. It's hard not to laugh when I encounter one, my God!
I realized at 10pm tonight that I have work tomorrow morning. The subsequent "Fuck! So that's why I planned to finish the assignment so soon..." realization occurred in my head. Cue the deep nasal breathing and eye widening, then the simultaneous releasing of your breath and shoulder muscles. Oh right - work! I have found employment at a jewelry store in downtown! Sterling silver and semi-precious stones; nothing that can be a girl's best friend. There are two Starbucks, so I am already safeguarded for caffeine. Another noteworthy franchise to mention is this "market" store - let me explain. The store is fairly large, and it's divided into several parts like a bakery, a food counter, a coffee counter, a salad/fruits&vegetables counter, etc. It's very charming, and it makes the best smelling foods, ever! My store is one level above this establishment, and by God, I feel hungry all day just inhaling. I've been intimidated by the market for a good 2 months; all the customers seem to know what they're doing - it's like everyone is on a conveyor belt, just moving along in a line from entering the store, to getting their crap, to paying and getting out. Another reason why I haven't been in there is because I've yet to buy (until recently) anything else from the entire building for consumption (minus the Starbucks products), so this market isn't prejudiced against (too much).
The biggest reason why I've been repelling from this place is because my ex worked there, with all the employees (who surround the place, they're everywhere - you see their white uniforms just floating around everywhere). I'm not entirely sure why the last bit affects me - I am aware that they probably don't know my face, considering I haven't been at the market with the ex for over 3-4 months, but still. It's their place, not mine. And there's a million of them (okay, 20) versus lil' ol' me. In any case, I've tackled this (eyebrow-raising) fear recently - I bought chicken gumbo from there just a few days ago. In all honesty, it didn't taste as good as I've idealized it to be, but then again, it's my first time eating gumbo and it's made in a store-not-restaurant. But, for a low, low price of $3.66, I've conquered my hunger from that evening and my issues of entering that store. I shall get food from there tomorrow as well! Straight up, I deal with things!
On an entirely different subject, really high heels have never been an issue with me, entirely because I've never worn them. However, I bought a pair of 4 inch wedges last week, and I decided that it would be marvelous if I wore them out! (Not saying that they could have been worn inside, but you know.)
Branches hit my face. Twice.
I tilted my head at people when I think about how short they are. Then I realize that it's me.
Guys seem to not like tall girls. (Note that I'm 5'5, so plus the wedges I'm 3 inches away from being a 6 foot tall Asian girl). Furthermore, girls don't like short guys and I'm very happy I can take off my shoes to appreciate the average height of a male. Hollah!
I'm good. Hoping to get better, like always.
