Bogged and Fogged and God, I need a reception.

It feels as though a lot of time passed since the last blog, but there's a multitude of events to blame for it (namely insomnia, a series of exams comparable to the living dead from the eternal fires of Hell and me going about avoiding studying for these exams). Anyways, here is the fast low-down:

• I have officially applied to an international volunteering program for the month of May. Flight ticket booking and visa application are still pending, but my $300 deposit says that this deal is itched in stone more than my conviction can.
• The "L" word came out. On my end this time. Dundundunnn... Big deal? Let's make it not.
• I realized this Saturday that Ikea has the cheapest food ever. I didn't purchase any, but that's because I was far from hungry upon my first visit at this particular warehouse (is it a warehouse? or is it more like a retail establishment?), plus I'm sure I would have gone ape-shit buying everything and taking one bite from every dish, and subsequently throwing everything out. I love walking around in Ikea. Though honestly, their "Frozen Yogurt" is named as such to attract health-conscious people - it is honestly just soft serve ice cream.
• I've caught up on the past half season of Grey's Anatomy, and I'm watching older episodes because it's awesome.
• I have also booked an appointment for a navel piercing this weekend. All of my friends have reservations about this desire of mine, but it's okay. *Insert the "It's my body, not yours" spiel here* Plus, you can't see it unless I show you. The ring wouldn't be on my face or tongue, which would be harder to ignore. In all honesty, it's something on my "shit, I have to do this before I'm practically middle-aged (aka 20)" list. My birthday is coming relatively soon, and by God, time doesn't stop. Does it?
• My glasses broke: the frame is still dandy, it's just that the lens popped out. This has been a fact for the past two weeks, and I haven't gone out on my lazy ass to go fix it. Contacts are also a bitch to clean sometimes, so I've been walking around my house myopically in the evenings. That being said, I've missed a lot of episodes from the Food Network.
• My Fido contract will be terminated in a few weeks. I need a new plan. I NEED A NEW PLAN. THIS IS A NECESSITY. No, it's not a want. A NECESSITY.

That is all. I'm looking forward to the creation of my profile with the volunteer program. It will contain a load of information, and it's essentially the biggest step of making my trip possible.


 I don't understand human-plant relations. You know those people who talk to their plants? I don't understand this! They do not respond! They sit there, and they be green at you. Any interaction possible between the two species is an elaborate concoction inside the head of the person (ahem, crazy). IM had such relations with an aloe plant named Harold, or something, and this totally flies past my head. My brain shrugs and wave it's hands, pivoting so that palm-side is up, away from each other. 

Instruction-Manual-Less and Not Happy About It

Where is my instruction manual for life, huh? Something better (and more artistically appealing than the disenchanting black and yellow) than "Dummies Guides" books. I need one, desperately. Anything that remotely suggests the consequences of any given action. I would prefer if it was an interactive book, like the YouTube videos nowadays, where the reader selects to act upon one situation and is led to another, etcetera, etcetera, my point is made. It would be fantastic if it went down like this:

Situation 1: The Awkward Beginning

Choose: Date or No Date

Situation 2: The More Formal Beginning

Choose: Dating or Not Dating

Situation 3: Bothering

Choose: Yes or No.

I'm giving up on this thread of hypothetical-ism because it's pointless (and not illustrating what I want to say) and the formatting is nagging me.

In any case, I want an interactive instruction manual for life. Why didn't anyone pick up after Hamlet's infamous "To be or not to be?" and invented something USEFUL from there on in? Clearly, back in Shakespeare's day, it was really a matter of flipping a coin... though I suppose this method is still applicable to modern standards of desperation.

P.S. I sincerely believe that it takes either a lot of stupidity and/or severe sociopathic tendencies to be brave. Of course, this belief is specific to yours truly only. It's too bad I have neither of those things. Maybe I should have a lobotomy?

Something's Not Right kinda day

This feels like bullshit. All of it. 


In other news, check out "Goodnight, Moon" by HeyHiHello. This is basically the only thing that's keeping me sane. 


Okay, no more blogging. Must start studying. (Holy God, it never ends. Thanks for giving me this taste of infinity. It's bitter.)

5:14am... (In other words, it's %:!$am.)

I want to go to China. In fact, I am 80% sure that I am going to China. 
Trip: approximately two months in duration. Half the time consisting of yours truly doing volunteer work with children in Shanghai. The other half consisting of me visiting my family (for an allotted two weeks) and the remainder of the time will be spent in Hong Kong. 


After my adventuring in my homeland, I shall return home and attend summer courses. Physics, and perhaps a philosophy class on bioethics. Maybe it's too heavy for a summer term course load, but I am young. I have to embrace taking classes that have "no relevance to life" simply because I have an interest, or passion, in the subject. My decision-making skills are drowning in my contemplation for taking an art course. I regret having not taken any during high school, though I am glad I didn't. It was a go-or-no-go kind of deal: chemistry or art. Not both. And I chose chemistry, and I'm glad for it. An inert pain of not having taken an art course still intermittently catches onto me. And I can't let this go on forever - my courses are my choice. 
I think I'm going to take an art course. Yeah, that decision happened in the paragraph above. But again, it is 5:30 in the morning and I'll have to consult my judgement at a later (more conscious) time.


IM returned today. I did not realize how much I missed him until we were in each other's arms. I also did not realize how much I love kissing him and love being with him. It's like a freaking drug. You have a fix, and you need it. But as time passes, you become progressively more and more neutral to the stimulant. (In my case, my rationality kicks in and keeps me sane. It's probably evolutionarily beneficial for preventing individuals from going insane.) However, as soon as a hint of the drug (i.e. observation of face, skin contact) sweeps across you, you're back in. In this last stage of the process... this is where all the songs of lovers' desperation make total and complete sense. The fermatas, crescendos, and the voice's yearning; they mirror what your heart beat feels like. Fuck, I'm being annoying-poetic-esque. I'll shut up here.


In any case, IM told me that he wants to go to Hong Kong with me for those two weeks in June. Makes me happy, and makes me scared that we somehow have to keep our relationship great-and-swell until then. What makes me more scared is that if we are genuinely great-and-swell, what happens after? I'm immature in relationships, such that I don't know what obstacles people have to go through past the "I'm bored with you" and "I don't see a future so why should we date" bumps. Those are pretty huge ass bumps, but in comparison to what I anticipate to be actual problems, they are meager, tiny bumps (on a really, really big motherfucker of a hill). He brought back a poncho from Mexico, as a part of a joke where we would wear our ponchos someplace and be a poncho-effic couple. My palm has this intense urgency to smack my face, such that a *facepalm* would occur (obviously). Another gift he got me was a ring (it's a thumb ring, calm down). I gave him my thumb ring on a chain for him to wear while he was away, and evidently it went diving, snorkeling, shopping-in-authentic-markets-ing, etcetera. He liked the ring so much (and took all the karma out of the poor thing, from rubbing it for good luck. He didn't die from diving, and I accredit this fact to my [his?] ring) that he bought me a new one. Romantic? Idealistic? I don't know. I must admit, I like the idea. (But I also must admit, I like my old ring better. Wow, I'm a bitch.)


Okay, sleep time. It's 5:40am. (%:$)am).


P.S. I'll have to do a blog about the science of love. Lust (Finding a mate.) --> Yearning (Possession.) --> Love (Partnering in the raising of offspring.) You got to love Ted Talks.