Instruction-Manual-Less and Not Happy About It

Where is my instruction manual for life, huh? Something better (and more artistically appealing than the disenchanting black and yellow) than "Dummies Guides" books. I need one, desperately. Anything that remotely suggests the consequences of any given action. I would prefer if it was an interactive book, like the YouTube videos nowadays, where the reader selects to act upon one situation and is led to another, etcetera, etcetera, my point is made. It would be fantastic if it went down like this:

Situation 1: The Awkward Beginning

Choose: Date or No Date

Situation 2: The More Formal Beginning

Choose: Dating or Not Dating

Situation 3: Bothering

Choose: Yes or No.

I'm giving up on this thread of hypothetical-ism because it's pointless (and not illustrating what I want to say) and the formatting is nagging me.

In any case, I want an interactive instruction manual for life. Why didn't anyone pick up after Hamlet's infamous "To be or not to be?" and invented something USEFUL from there on in? Clearly, back in Shakespeare's day, it was really a matter of flipping a coin... though I suppose this method is still applicable to modern standards of desperation.

P.S. I sincerely believe that it takes either a lot of stupidity and/or severe sociopathic tendencies to be brave. Of course, this belief is specific to yours truly only. It's too bad I have neither of those things. Maybe I should have a lobotomy?