5:14am... (In other words, it's %:!$am.)

I want to go to China. In fact, I am 80% sure that I am going to China. 
Trip: approximately two months in duration. Half the time consisting of yours truly doing volunteer work with children in Shanghai. The other half consisting of me visiting my family (for an allotted two weeks) and the remainder of the time will be spent in Hong Kong. 


After my adventuring in my homeland, I shall return home and attend summer courses. Physics, and perhaps a philosophy class on bioethics. Maybe it's too heavy for a summer term course load, but I am young. I have to embrace taking classes that have "no relevance to life" simply because I have an interest, or passion, in the subject. My decision-making skills are drowning in my contemplation for taking an art course. I regret having not taken any during high school, though I am glad I didn't. It was a go-or-no-go kind of deal: chemistry or art. Not both. And I chose chemistry, and I'm glad for it. An inert pain of not having taken an art course still intermittently catches onto me. And I can't let this go on forever - my courses are my choice. 
I think I'm going to take an art course. Yeah, that decision happened in the paragraph above. But again, it is 5:30 in the morning and I'll have to consult my judgement at a later (more conscious) time.


IM returned today. I did not realize how much I missed him until we were in each other's arms. I also did not realize how much I love kissing him and love being with him. It's like a freaking drug. You have a fix, and you need it. But as time passes, you become progressively more and more neutral to the stimulant. (In my case, my rationality kicks in and keeps me sane. It's probably evolutionarily beneficial for preventing individuals from going insane.) However, as soon as a hint of the drug (i.e. observation of face, skin contact) sweeps across you, you're back in. In this last stage of the process... this is where all the songs of lovers' desperation make total and complete sense. The fermatas, crescendos, and the voice's yearning; they mirror what your heart beat feels like. Fuck, I'm being annoying-poetic-esque. I'll shut up here.


In any case, IM told me that he wants to go to Hong Kong with me for those two weeks in June. Makes me happy, and makes me scared that we somehow have to keep our relationship great-and-swell until then. What makes me more scared is that if we are genuinely great-and-swell, what happens after? I'm immature in relationships, such that I don't know what obstacles people have to go through past the "I'm bored with you" and "I don't see a future so why should we date" bumps. Those are pretty huge ass bumps, but in comparison to what I anticipate to be actual problems, they are meager, tiny bumps (on a really, really big motherfucker of a hill). He brought back a poncho from Mexico, as a part of a joke where we would wear our ponchos someplace and be a poncho-effic couple. My palm has this intense urgency to smack my face, such that a *facepalm* would occur (obviously). Another gift he got me was a ring (it's a thumb ring, calm down). I gave him my thumb ring on a chain for him to wear while he was away, and evidently it went diving, snorkeling, shopping-in-authentic-markets-ing, etcetera. He liked the ring so much (and took all the karma out of the poor thing, from rubbing it for good luck. He didn't die from diving, and I accredit this fact to my [his?] ring) that he bought me a new one. Romantic? Idealistic? I don't know. I must admit, I like the idea. (But I also must admit, I like my old ring better. Wow, I'm a bitch.)


Okay, sleep time. It's 5:40am. (%:$)am).


P.S. I'll have to do a blog about the science of love. Lust (Finding a mate.) --> Yearning (Possession.) --> Love (Partnering in the raising of offspring.) You got to love Ted Talks.