Warning: This one is of boys. (AGHHHHHH!)

I realized, upon reviewing my last post, that I may have identified my ambiguous problems:
First, the following songs are doing a very fine job of keeping me happy.
So there's no more random, useless, unsatisfying shuffling on the iPhone:

• "Comme des Enfants" - Coeur de Pirate
• "There Will Be Tears" - Mr. Hudson
• "Young Forever" - Jay-Z feat. Mr. Hudson (Just the introduction, I'm afraid. Not too much a fan of Jay-Z.)
• "Lesson Learned" - Alicia Keys feat. John Mayer

Second, I'm empty handed in the romantic department. 

I have the ominous feeling that PhysicsBlond is a lost hope. A friend told me that I think highly of him due to his comparative advantages to the other three guys. I've never had this happen before, in terms of the quantity of the opposite sex apparently vying for yours truly. I'm sure karma will kick my ass very soon, cackling "ShufflingHard, I gave you so many guys to choose from, one after another, all of whom you've rejected. You shall stay alone forever. And never will you get who you want. Hahaha!" If Lady Karma (it's a female, because it's a bitch, I'm sure, with periodic mood swings) decides to do as I predict, I don't know where to begin to justify that it's not fair.

I've dated two guys, one of whom is a jackass beyond all comprehensible belief, and the other... didn't do much. In retrospect, the first one was the first, so the spurred emotion lending itself to be "love" depicted all irrational actions. (Recall that song, "The First Cut is the Deepest" - Sheryl Crow. I had no freaking idea what the hell she was talking about until the break-up happened.) As for the other one, truth be told, I was unstabilized beyond logical repair after the First One, and the Second One was quite the... stable one. He was loyal, he was there. Though, that was all he did - be present. The depth of character and charisma and attentiveness and all that stuff you'd imagine the Perfect Boyfriend to be was not there. I am, unmistakably, a plethora of... thought and emotion messed-up-ness and very few people will see how messed up and "dark and twisty" I am. (Yes, that's a term from Grey's Anatomy.) Both relationships were brief, the more recent one having ended around two years ago, though it seems a lot longer than that. The Second One and I are friends, though just the kind that poke fun at each other occasionally - nothing like the "we dated but realized we would be the greatest of friends" story, nor the "we dated and realized the other is a poisonous snake" story either. Just the boring one: "we dated and now we're friends". You can see the (lack of) faith we had put in each other considering how everything is back to how it was pre-relationship-wise. 

In any case, back to the second (and actual) problem. So here's PhysicsBlonde, planting goddamned trees out in the northern border of nowhereland (also known as the forestry area in the northern part of  my province) during the summer and cares about the sanctity of silence in the library and is cute and reads so many books to the extent that he needs glasses (though he doesn't wear them). But here, I find a problem: he lacks depth. So this reminds me of the Second One. And he doesn't make me laugh a lot, and I need humor. I love laughing, so a guy without humor is like... a hot dog minus the condiments. Yes, it's that essential (presuming you need ketchup or something as much as I do). Also, what makes me tentative about approaching him is the fact that he's never had a girlfriend, and to date, it's apparent that he doesn't know how to act around girls. So why this guy? As I said, comparatively, he's the optimal choice. (Yes yes yes, I know that there are a trillion other guys out there, but he's stuck on my mind and I can't help it. Henceforth, I'm writing about him. You are free to mail me your hair/eyes/whatever body part you've pulled out while reading this to scare the living shit out of me as an act of  vengeance.) How so? See below, for the three other ones' description. (These three are the ones who have been straightforward with their apparent like-of-ShufflingHard.)

Case One: Ginger Head.

• He stands as though he's a fairy from those Chinese television shows depicting a story something involving energy balls, transforming animals, the general public's ability to fly, and things of the like. The mentioned fairy stands as though she's the most innocent of things, so her body is generally... fuck this. I can't describe it. Here: http://www.illusionsgallery.com/Innocence-L.jpg. Okay, so it's not a picture of a Chinese anything, but you get the general feminine attributes of it. 
• He's... kind of very not attractive. My friend, upon seeing a picture of him, said (verbatim): "I don't know if it's because I just took an anthropology exam... but he looks like an ape." And she was being nice. Yes, nice. Granted, she's right.
• He's incredibly annoying - see the list of "things that bother me" and he does a lot of it. And he's not smart nor studious, by any means.
• The most frustrating thing though, is that he has been the one guy who has shown the most perseverance; offering a free ticket to a concert, offering to buy water when I'm choking, etcetera. (This is his best trait.) I feel like a complete ingrate for being so cold to him nowadays, but I cannot date someone who annoys you. At least, not for the long run. And right now, dating for temporary time periods is not worth sacrificing time with friends and focus on school.

Case Two: Russian Shortie

• He plays around with girls - he knows what to say to make anyone blush, and he knows what to do to make you feel special. He sits with an alternative female at each class, each break, etcetera. 
• He has very, very good grades. (This is his best trait, unfortunately.)
• So when he listed out the reasons why he "liked" me, they were incredibly shallow reasons. My god. Here are some examples: "You are intelligent... You have your own view of things... You are beautiful... You are cute when you are upset... You are funny...." The "..."s represent a written out description of why he thinks what he thinks. It blows my mind (in the bad way) that anyone can write something like this. Did I mention that he talked to me for a week before having this flood of emotion?
• As if the two already-posted reasons of why he isn't exactly the best of the flock, here's another: he still keeps an album of him and his ex-girlfriend up on Facebook, along with a poem he wrote for her. Great. 
• In short, the episode with this guy is the most succinct of the 3 (meaning a total of less than 14 days, from us meeting each other to me saying we're better off as friends.

Case Three: Tall Hottie

• He is attractive. He is tall (6 feet, 11 inches). He has (FREAKING!) blue eyes and brown hair. (Sadly, I think this is his best trait.)
• He is also (here's the kicker for you!) PhysicBlond's best friend. We became acquainted through said best friend.
• Though he's hot and tall and everything, he is so sadly deficient in several fields. Having broken up with his girlfriend of two years a mere 2 months ago being one of them. She was Asian, I am Asian. (Actually Ginger Head has the same problem, only his relationship was one year in length. I don't know how she stood him.) So I can't help but think I'm a good substitute for something crestfallen and broken.
• He dropped out of the province-far university halfway through the semester for no apparent reason. I asked him why, and he claims that his family needs help financially due to his mother's chronic health problem. Though, if that were true, he wouldn't be blowing off his money on a vacation to Mexico, nor would his present income be spent on bars and clubs.
• I think he's a compulsive liar, or he is really, really desperate for attention. For instance, he chased down 2 fourteen year-olds who stole his car, with an umbrella in hand, at 1:30 am on a Monday morning.
• He speaks too well, and he knows how to make me think and feel that I'm that special one. You know, those sweet nothings: "No bad guys to hurt you, right?", "I'll protect you", and strangely, "I want you to be happy, so if you choose PhysicsBlond it's okay, I'll talk to him". [This last bit is not the tone that I'm sure the men from The Godfather speak in. My friend said that he did the whole self-sacrificing thing to be noble. Then the High Road became too strenuous and so he gave up the act, asked PhysicsBlond if it's okay if he asked me out (to which PB said yes, my god, what the Hell.)] If a guy knows how to do this, it means he's had a lot of practice. The myriad of females on his Facebook wall is evidence. And this makes me feel sad - there's no guarantee that he's the actual jackass I make him out to be (afterall, he is PB's best friend. If PB isn't interested, what have I got to lose?), so why not give this guy one date? Conscience and good sense tell me "Hell. No. End of story." *Sigh*
• (After the alleged consent of PB) He has ardently asked me to go on a date with him, repeatedly. After evaluating how I'd relate to PhysicsBlond more than him (considering the prior is still attending a freaking university), and thoughtfully going over the above above bullets, I've reworded "I think it's better if we stay friends" in every way imaginable, short of "You're a douchebag, I like your best friend better, now leave me the hell alone." 

See? In comparison, PB is a thumbs-up kind of guy. Finally, Case Four: PhysicsBlond (PB)

• He is studious and he's attractive when he thinks about physics. He doesn't copy down my work like most of the other jackasses I "help" (or rather, tell them what to multiply to get the solution).
• He doesn't know how to play around with girls, given his nonexistent experience with them.
• He doesn't "want to date" (source: Tall Hottie, not confident about the validity of the statement), and that corresponds to how he has his priorities straight (like mine should be), unlike the other three who appear to want a girlfriend and go about searching for a girl. This bullet is an oxymoron in the context of why he's the optimal guy, I know.
• The process, at this point in time in terms of academic priorities, should be, 1) Meet a person, and uncontrollably like them, 2) Time passes and rationality cannot defeat your infatuation with them, 3) Go about being friends for the longest time ever before the two of you spend so much time together that you're practically a couple anyway, 4) You're a couple now. This should take a very, very long time. Month-wise, not week-wise.
• It's strange, how when I'm with him, I feel tense and nervous and quiet. Like, I'm scared that he won't like me. I haven't experienced this state of hesitancy around anyone for a very, long, long time. By long, I mean "since Junior High School" long. I don't know what this means, because if it's the you-have-a-juvenile-crush feeling, wouldn't I have felt the same way towards Tall Hottie?
• He's soft-spoken, and very down to earth. The backpack that he carries around is the same one his father used for hiking in the 19something's. He carries this iPod-sized radio-frequency tracker device in his pocket, since he gets money from the radio-frequency quality control people for travelling around the city. He uses the same binder from the 10th grade.
• He's not funny. And I'm beginning to see those godforsaken Red Flags (screaming "nooooooo!!!") in a lot of places. This guy better redeem himself before I become an asexual plant.

Okay, I'm done my ranting. I'm deeply, deeply sorry for having you endured reading this. I'm sure you skimmed some/most parts, and if you didn't, you have amazing powers. Either way, you can take up my offer of scaring me shitless with whichever body parts you have pulled out while on my blog page. Bombs or other nuclear weaponry will suffice if body parts won't be mangled with. I do not guarantee that this is my last ramble with boys, but I will try as hard as I humanly can to not concentrate an entire blog on them. Tell me I'm not crazy?

If any of these many guys ever find this blog, I'm in for a hoot.

In other news, I have class tomorrow. It's not going to be a fun week. Finals in less than two weeks. Yay. Watch me die.

- ShufflingHard